In Public With The Second Audience

Also: AI Poetry & Taste, Balatro Timeline, and Story Openings

Just how much is the public internet these days a space to share one’s personal and private life? It’s been on my mind again lately.

I tend to have a strong desire to share, primarily to connect. But, in the years past, I’ve retreated a bit in sharing my personal non-creative life online, primarily for two reasons: I’m afraid of my own demons, and two, an actual desire for privacy after peak digital social. The former has to do with how any creator relates to their audience. If you gain any following, the cycle feeds back on itself, limiting the creator to the whims of their audience. Any X/Twitter users who have gained a large following become a simulacra of themselves, indistinguishable from an AI version of them. While my primary purpose in writing in public is to connect, I also am cognizant to the extent that it also serves as a channel for validation. An: “I exist, please see me.” And one can lean too much into it, absorbed by the feedback loop ego monster.

For the latter, in terms of privacy, social media has in general become a dark forest, where anything you say could be treated with the worst of intentions. Sincerity has left the public and instead, people are retreating into cozy web corners: private accounts and group chats where they can be themselves. You never know when something you sincerely share in public invites a punch from a neurotic anon.

But, that being said, I think we also lose a lot by hiding away. Instead, if we want to see if people are experiencing what we experience, we’re predominantly now left with Reddit. There we go now to understand what people experience when they: get a divorce, lose a loved one, a miscarriage, get diagnosed with a chronic illness, emigrate to a different country, experience depression, and so on. People aren’t as sincerely personal anymore online. In fact, it’s often met with skepticism and cynicism: why *are* they being so public about something that’s usually hidden? Do they want sympathy? Are they clout farming? Is this just a way to get me to subscribe to their newsletter where they will upsell me something? The reality is, we absolutely know examples of all of the above.

TikTok, for example (as great as the algorithm is), can, after heartbreak, show you a lot of breakup videos of people filming themselves crying. On the one hand, it feels off. An uncanny valley of human emotion when you realise they had to set up the camera for it. On the other hand, it’s a relief. If that’s you too, you’d say: Gosh, I’m not alone. I’ve ugly cried in my car in a parking lot of a mall. But why exactly did they share that?

There’s this tension where it’s clear that we sometimes perform for this imaginary audience, seeing ourselves as the performers we are: wanting validation for our performance. But, we’re also performing sincerely in that we want to be seen. Regardless of whether other outlets exist, like talking to friends, family, or therapists, there’s a desire to communicate something that fits into the performer-audience dynamic. There’s the first audience: friends and family who will tell us what we want to hear. Then there’s the second audience: people in the periphery that is aware of our context that does not owe you attention. And then, there’s the third audience: the stranger whom we want no validation from.

It’s in this second audience, this interstitial audience (neither close nor stranger) where we desire their validation precisely because they are not obligated to care about us. Because if they then do care, it feels like we earned it, and we become the most seen. This type of interstitial audience is an audience that understands your context, but isn’t necessarily there *for you*. It ranges from like-minded peers on a subreddit, to followers on Instagram, to people we respect, to algorithmic neighbors on TikTok.

It’s important, I think, to be aware exactly what audience’s attention we crave and why. I can’t always judge sincerity well online, but even if it’s half-sincere, I still appreciate the fact that there are people who are willing to give windows into personal and private experiences. It does still sometimes make the world a less lonely place even if the venue is deep in the uncanny valley.

And so, you might have noticed that I’ve been mentioning some difficult times in my personal life the past few months. There’s a reason I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot. In short, this week, after an unexpectedly short marriage, I got divorced. For reasons shared in the beginning, I’m not going to talk about it publicly. Instead, I’ll keep doing what I enjoy the most these days with my public writing practice: philosophically muse around the edges, situating my personal life into a broader societal context. Welcome again, to Scenes with Simon. Please subscribe. :)

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Bonus Content!

📺 Watching - Severance, White Lotus, Flow

Still enjoying both Severance and White Lotus. I’ve been enamoured by the meta story of Flow, having won Best Animated Feature at the Oscars. Its production cost was 3.5 million EUR and was made in Blender (free software). Gints Zilbalodis’ own story is fascinating, having produced animation since he was a teenager. The type of artist one can’t help but admire considering he also self-taught himself animation, sound design, and composition. The film itself is a lovely meditative journey through a strange world and mystical event. I’d recommend it.

Also do check out how they used Blender.

✍️ Writing - Novel #2

Yip. Progress continues. Not much more here to say this week. Still hoping to get draft 2 done in the next few weeks (ready to be sent to be read).

💾 Links

AI Poetry & Taste

A study asked people to rate AI and human-authored poems. The “surprise” is that AI poems were ranked higher.

The problem however, is that merely asking someone if something is good, they tend to choose things that allows them to justify their choices. Research from folks like Kahneman goes a lot into how/why people like things and that also actually involves how questions are asked. The reality is, many people form opinions when they are confronted to have an opinion.

It doesn’t necessarily mean the outcome of such a study is incorrect, because you can’t truly deny people’s opinions. But, art, value, and popularity of culture is *far* more complicated than merely an individual opinion in a vacuum. What we like is formed by complex interactions between ourselves and others. We can often find deep meaning in seemingly shallow culture simply because it’s widely understood. We can also find deep meaning in incredibly deep and niche culture because it *is* only understood by a handful of others.

Balatro Timeline

In the spirit of Flow, the development history of Balatro and its subsequent success is also really inspiring. Check out the timeline of its development to launch. ht Rian

Story Openings

If there’s one part of storytelling I’ve enjoyed research in the past year, is the opener. My own thesis is that it unfolds from a reveal of what’s at stake as soon possible.

sweater weather

has a really great perspective on this, as he tackles various book openers and why it works.

A good opening answers the questions: who the fuck are these people and what are they going through and where are they going through it?

That resonates.

🎶 Music

Jose Junior - Projections

Great psychedelic rock track! Enjoy! PS, I like it when the music for the week works accidentally as the cover for the newsletter. ;)

Hope you get to enjoy a lovely sunset today. Spring is peaking through in the Northern Hemisphere and it’s been delightful for my mood.

To love and lots of it.

Simon